“My Grace is Sufficient for You.”
Jun-Soo Lee’s Life Story Walking with the Lord Jesus Christ (1968-2006)
I am a 38-year-old graduate student of Trinity Evangelical Divinity School, majoring in the Master of Divinity. Before I came to this school, I had studied the European history at the graduate school of UCLA for eight years, completing MA and Ph. D courses in the university. Also, I had majored in the French literature at my undergraduate days in Sogang University when I was in Seoul, Korea. The reason that I am taking the M. Div. courses at Trinity Evangelical Divinity School at present time is that I would like to apply to the Ph. D program of the Church History and to get Doctoral degree for that field of study. Trinity Evangelical Divinity School requires the students who wish to apply to Ph. D. programs at the school to take M. Div. courses in priority. In addition, I have another wish to be ordained at the Korean Presbyterian Church and work as a special minister for the disabled.
I suppose that you have many questions about me. You may wonder how I have been able to be educated so far and even come to the United States for my study in spite of my rather serious disability. Now I will say you briefly how I have lived my life until now and how much God has blessed me. Through this Life Line story of mine, I really hope you can realize the limitless Love and Grace of God.
Chapter 1 - My Birth and Physical Disability
On November 20th 1968, I was born in Seoul, South Korea as the first son of my parents. My mother, who was in rather delicate in health, gave me birth born eight months into her pregnancy, so I was raised in incubator of hospital for the last two months. Unfortunately, I suffered from the very serious jaundice there and it became worse. My weight was six founds when I was born, but it decreased to four founds after one month, so the doctors said that I would die soon. However, God did not take the life of the new-born baby but saved him from the jaundice. My parents were relieved and brought me home. But unlike other babies, I could not keep the balance of my body but cried always. I did not stop crying even at night, so my mother could not sleep to soothe me. My parents worried about my situation so much, visited hospital again and asked the doctors to check my physical status. After the precise diagnosis of my status, the doctors finally concluded that I came to suffer from cerebral infantile palsy as the aftereffect of the serious jaundice. They should have changed my blood to new type when I was in the incubator, but they did not know it. Since that time, I have not been able to walk normally, have had much difficulty in controlling the muscles and nerves, in using my hands, and in speaking.
Chapter 2 - My Childhood
After knowing that their first son came to suffer from cerebral palsy and would live an unfortunate life as a disabled person, my parents were shocked and disappointed so deeply. How should I imagine their sadness at that time? Nevertheless, they were not despaired at the misfortune of their son. They recovered from sadness soon and decided to make every effort to raise their baby and rehabilitate his physical disability. They thank God that He did not take but saved the life of their baby from the serious jaundice, and prayed Him fervently that He would protect and lead the life of their baby forever. After the earnest prayer, they felt strongly that God gave them hope and confidence that their son would live a worthy life in spite of his physical disability if they would not give up but try their best in raising him. Since that time, their sacrifice for me has begun.
In particular, my mother has devoted her whole life to me. To rehabilitate me from the disability, she took me to every famous hospital ands acupuncturist in the country. Because we were rather poor and had no car at that time, she had to carry me on her back and visit the hospital by bus. In the morning she took me to the rehabilitation hospital and had me get the physical therapy, and in the afternoon we visited the acupuncturist for the oriental medical therapy. Moreover, in the evening she had me study. Though I was born with a physical disability, God endowed me normal intelligence, and memory, so I could express all my feelings and think logically and reasonably from very early time of my childhood. It gave so much hope to my mother and she tried teaching me reading and writing the Korean characters and counting. I mastered reading and counting easily but had very much difficulty in writing. Because of the lack of ability to control my hands, I was not able to write a letter correctly. I could not even draw a line. However, my mother was never disappointed. She required me to practice writing again and again. Her will to make the impossible thing possible was so strong that I could not go to bed but should practice reading and writing until 12 o’clock every night. In addition, before I went to bed after finishing study, she read the Bible and prayed for me. She prayed God that I would overcome my physical disability and live a respectable life with the grace of God. Like this, she devoted her every time and energy to taking care of me in the strong faith of God and in the love of me.
In spite of the desperate effort of my mother for me, I was little recovered. I was still unable to walk and to control the balance of my body by the age of entering the elementary school. My mother hesitated to send me to the elementary school but decided to have me take the normal educational courses. Because she found that I had a smart brain and high intelligence despite the physical handicap, she did not want me to attend the special school for the disabled. So she visited the president of a normal elementary school, explained my situation and got permission that I might attend the school.
Every morning, my mother took me the school and stayed with me in the class with me until the finish of class. She took the notes for me and helped me eat lunch and go to restroom. After school, she also helped me to do homework. The teacher said that I did not need do homework, but my mother required me to do it everyday for the improvement of my academic status. Because I had serious difficulty in writing, it took very much time and energy for me to do homework. I did for four or five hours what other students could finish within just thirty minutes. The task of writing characters was extremely difficult to me, so my body was wholly wet with sweat. My mother quite well understood how difficult it was to me, but she encouraged me to study harder and harder. She always told me “You are never a derelict. You are very loving and precious child of God. He always protects and fills you with many good things. So you should never be despaired with your situation. You can overcome your disability and become a great man who will be respected by many people. To be a great person, you should study hard now. You can do it. Nothing is impossible to you!” Such powerful encouragement of my mother gave me very much hope and challenge. With her devotional assistance for me, I deeply concentrated on the study and mastered writing finally. My study continued developing rapidly and I came out first in the examination which was taken at the end of the first grade. Also, I became famous and popular among the students. Though some students had prejudice against me, most students recognized my ability and personality and became good friends for me. Owing to their support, I was elected a student president of my school 3 times. When I graduated from the elementary school, I was at the top of the whole school and was granted the prize from the minister of education of Korea. This glory was entirely owed to God’s great grace and blessings for me. Also I could get the victory because I had great mother, who had sacrificed her for me in spite of many obstacles.
Chapter 3 - My Junior and Senior High School Days
In March 1982, I entered the junior high school. From that time, my mother did not stay with me in the class any more. She just took me to the school in the morning and brought me back home in the afternoon. She said to me “You are no more little boy. You should not depend on me any more in your study. You have to practice doing everything for yourself in order that you would be an independent and responsible person in the future.” Following her advice, I made all my efforts to study for myself. Also I tried to eat a meal and take clothe without help from somebody. The study of the junior high school is much harder than that of elementary school. I had to take thirteen courses per semester and they gave me a lot of burden. They required so much time and energy of me. Nevertheless, I tried my best to keep up with them. I did all my efforts to master them no mater how hard the study was. For the hard training, I could complete all required courses and graduate from the junior high school as an honor student.
In the spring of 1985, I became a senior high school student. For Korean students, the three years of senior high school is the hardest time in their educational period because at this time they should prepare very important examination for the entrance of the university. To pass the examination, they have to complete over twenty required courses per semester in school and do the extracurricular work in private. For that reason, they should concentrate on the study day and night. Usually, they go to school at 7 o’clock am and come back home at 11 pm. They should study as hard as the Ivy League students.
I also have to spend the toughest time at the senior high school. Because of serious burden and pressure from the study, I was almost exhausted. I could not sleep but for just four hours every night for the three years. Sometimes, I wanted give up the study, but I could not. To me, to give up the study meant to end my life. For the last long time, my mother had taught me that I should study in order that I would overcome all obstacles and live an independent and respectable life. I had to study to survive. It was very lonely and desperate struggle for me. Whenever I felt tired and worried about my future, I prayed God. “Father, I really thank you for your leading my life in spite of my severe handicap. I need more your help and care for me. Please give me strength so that I can endure this hard time!!” Before going to bed I repeated memorizing Isaiah chapter 41 verse 10; “So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.” The verse gave me much comfort and courage at that time. I believed that God would protect and guard me so that I might not be failed in my study. With this strong faith in God, I tried my best to complete all required courses at the senior high school and pass the entrance examination to go to the university.
Chapter 4 - My Hard Struggle to Enter the University
In spite of my hard effort to pass the entrance of the university, I still had to face very serious obstacle. The university that I had applied to rejected to giving me the opportunity to take the entrance exam. Because I had physical disability, the speed of my reading and writing was much lower than that of other normal student. So I needed an extra time and separate test place when I took the exam. I explained my situation to the staff of the university and requested some special circumstances for my taking exam. However, that rejected my request but insisted that I should take the exam within the same time and at the same place as other normal students. Though my mother and I tried to persuade them several times, they did not listen to us.
Basically, this was due to the fact that there were much prejudice and discrimination against the disabled in Korean society. Unlike the United States and the Western countries, Korean people have very little thought of human right for the handicapped. The disabled people in Korea have few rights and opportunities to manage a human life and to participate in the society as a respected individual. In many cases, they are not allowed to enter the school or take a job though they have enough ability to study and to work. We can compare the situation of the disabled in Korea with that of the Black people in South Africa, who have suffered from the notorious ‘Apartheid’ policy.
Because the university which I wanted to go to rejected my application, our family worried too much lest I should be unable to go to university and stop the study. We were plunged into despair at that time. It seemed that the precious tower that we had build hard for long time would be destroyed. I knelt before God again prayed him fervently. “Father, do not abandon me at this time. Please save me from this desperate situation in order that I might thank and glorify you again. I strongly believe your promise that you will always be with and protect me.” Then I applied to the three more universities and one of them replied me that they would accept my request. The university was Sogang University, a Catholic institute founded by the Society of Jesus like Loyola University in Chicago. I took and passed the entrance exam for the university successfully, and got admitted to Sogang University.
It was the most glorious moment in my life. I thanked God that he answered to my prayer. It was also the most wonderful and precious present for my mother, who had devoted her whole life to raising me for the last nineteen years. When I got the notification of admission to Sogang University, she was deeply impressed and burst into crying.
In Sogang University, I majored in the French literature. The reason I chose French as my major was that I had liked reading a novel and poem since my childhood and wanted to learn the skill of writing so that I could write good novels which can give courage and hope to the disabled like me. In addition to French, I studied history as my second major. I found history very interesting and hoped to study it more profoundly after graduation. For the grace of Lord, I got a good grade at the university and graduated from the school with the honor of Magna Cum Laude.
Chapter 5 - Study at the UCLA
After graduating from the university, I thought about my future so seriously. It was the time when I had to decide what I should to do for the rest of my life. I made decision to continue study. As saying above, I was attracted by history and wanted to study it at the graduate school. However, it would be almost impossible to enter the graduate school in Korea because of great restriction against the disabled. So I considered going to the United States, where there was good social welfare systems for the handicapped people, for my advanced study. I thought that it would be another great challenge for me to study abroad as well as a good opportunity. I had been cared for by my family in my country until that time, but I should live a totally independent life without any help of my family if I would stay abroad. I was not sure whether I would be able to do everything for myself alone. After long consideration and prayer, I decided to go to the United States to continue study. I was certain that God would be with me wherever I go and he would protect and guard my life at any situation. I believed that the promise God had made to Jacob when he had left his home would also be made to me. I explained my thought to my parents. They also worried how I would live abroad alone, but decided soon to let me go.
I applied to the graduate school of History department at the UCLA and was admitted to the school. In June 1993, I took the flight to the United States by myself. It was the first time that I left my family. At the airport, my parents were not sorry to separate from me. Rather, they were happy that I would have an opportunity to experience broader world.
The MA and Ph D program at the UCLA was so hard to me. I had a lot of reading and paper assignment. Moreover, I had much difficulty in the communication in English because I suffer from speech disorder and I was not native speaker of the language. Also, I stayed at the dormitory on-campus and had to do washing and cleaning for myself. They were very hard work to me. Nevertheless, I had no regret in my choice. I was happy to continue the advanced study which I had wanted in the United States. Also, it was good luck for me to meet many good people and to experience a lot of wonderful things. Of course, I was lonely and missed my family. Sometimes, I wanted to give up the study and return my country. Whenever I was tired and felt lonely, I prayed God that he would uphold and give me strength so that I could endure and overcome all the obstacles until the finish of my study in the foreign country. He listened and answered to my fervent prayer. Owing to his sincere support and protection of me, I succeeded in being granted MA degree and completing doctoral courses at the UCLA though I did not get Ph D degree.
Chapter 6 - Marriage
As I suffered from physical disability and was very busy for the study, I had not had an opportunity to make a girlfriend in Korea. Though I found a girl who attracted me, I dared not approach her because I was not sure whether she could understand and accept me. I believed I could overcome all difficulties with the power of God, but I had little confidence in making girlfriend.
From my late twenties, I wanted to meet a nice girlfriend and marry her. I began to pray Lord that he would allow me to meet a good spouse. But he did not answer immediately but had me wait for several years. Though I had met and dated with some girls while I was studying at the UCLA, they could not accept my situation and left me. Whenever I failed in love, I felt heartbroken.
In December 1999, I found my soul mate finally. Her name was Hyun-jung Moon. I met Hyun-jung through internet chatting. At that time, I studied at the UCLA and she was in Korea but the modern high technology connected us in spite of long distance. We talked many things by online. She listened to what I said and understood it pretty well. She seemed so kind and considerate. She made me very comfortable. A few days later after we met, I confessed I was a disabled person. But she was not surprised but replied it would be fine to her. She said that the physical disability would never affect the human relationship. During the winter break, I went back to Korea and met her in person. She welcomed me so warmly. For the one month of winter break, we met 17 times and became closer each other. After a month, I had to return to the United States because new semester began, but we kept contact each other by email and telephone.
When summer vacation started, I went to Korea again to see Hyun-jung. I proposed her to marry me and she accepted it willingly. However, her parents objected to our marriage. They did not want their lovely daughter to marry a disabled person. After long anguish and hesitation, she left her family and came to me. It was greatly painful for her to separate from her family, but she dared it because she loved me so deeply. We came to the United States together and held wedding ceremony at the church I served in November 2000. Hyun-jung and I have been married for six years until now. She is a good wife to me and takes care of me so sincerely. Now, she is pregnant and we are expecting to have twin babies next March. I thank God that he allowed me to meet a nice wife and pray that he will protect our happiness forever.
Chapter 7 - Starting to Take Master of Divinity Program at Trinity Evangelical Divinity School
After completing doctoral courses at the UCLA in 2003, I was sick very seriously. The muscles of my neck and shoulder were paralyzed suddenly, so I could not move my body at all. Also I had much pain. Doctor said that the palsy of the muscles were due to the overwork and advised me to take a rest for a while. During the time of rest, I had opportunity to look back on my past. My life had been filled with many difficulties because of the physical disability, but Lord has always been with and enabled me conquer all obstacles. Whenever I called him he came to me and whenever I asked something of him he offered it to me. Like this, God had done many things for me, but I had repaid him nothing. When my thought reached this point, I felt my heart was very troubled. I repented deeply that I had done nothing for my Lord. I shared my repentance with my friends and asked them what I should do for God. One of my friends advised me that I would study theology, be ordained a pastor and testimony God's limitless love to many people. According to him, I had received numberless blessings from God through my whole life, and I owe to His grace what I am now. So it would be my mission in my life that I should tell my discovery and experience of God to people and help them trust His love and power. I quite agreed with him and decided to enter seminary. I found that Trinity Evangelical Divinity School was very biblical seminary and had many good faculty members. I applied to the Master of Divinity program at the school and was admitted. My wife and I moved from California to Chicago and I have taken M Div program since January 2005. I thank God that he has led me to good seminary. I hope I will be able to take the program successfully so that I may be trained as a faithful servant of our Lord.
I have stated how I have lived my life until now and how much God has blessed me until now. As you have read, though I have faced many obstacles in my life because of my physical disability so far, God has always been with me and given limitless bless to me. For such God's love for me, I have rarely felt I am unhappy or despaired. Rather, I always thank God and try to fit my life to His will. Of course, I am sometimes depressed at my condition. Sometimes, it seems that I cannot overcome all my difficulties. Sometimes, I am disappointed at myself or people around me. Also, in many times I fall at Satan's temptation and sin. Nevertheless, I believe in Jesus Christ. I am certain that He died for me on the cross and I am forgiven and saved by His holy blood. I have unchangeable faith that He will guide my life forever as He has filled me with His love so far in spite of my weakness.
I thank God that He allowed me to be born a disabled person in this world. Owing to my disability, I could know and trust Him, and get His Love and Bless. Also I am guaranteed to receive salvation and eternal life. My handicap is neither shame nor misfortune in my life but God's Grace to let me close to Him.
I am not sure yet what I will be or what I will do in my future. At present time, I cannot anticipate what will happen to me in my life. However, I will believe God is always with me and fight against my harsh fate until the last moment of my life. It is more important to me how to live rather than what to be. I will focus the worth of my life on 'how honestly and righteously I live' but not 'what I get in my life'.
I am very happy to testimony my personal experience of Jesus Christ. I would like to strongly recommend to everybody that he will receive Jesus as his lord and leave his life to Christ entirely. He really wants to save and give us the eternal life because He loves us extremely to die on the cross for our sin. Only His Holy blood can change our life and brighten our future. May Jesus Christ be always with you.
This is my prayer to the Lord. I pray him that he may receive me as I am now, lead my life as his will and use me for his good and glorious work.
“My Lord, I go forward to You. Without a mast, without a pole, I am sailing to You just with my strong faith in You. My Lord, I devote my life to You. I devote my passion from my deep heart to you. My Lord, I am lonely and painful now. I have much time when I feel small. Nevertheless, I will walk this long and winding way, which you have commanded me to walk. I am sure that this tough way is the way of Truth and of Life. My Lord, don't let me change my decision. Don't let me shake my mind. Please uphold my soul not to feel tired when I walk this long and winding way, and let me go straight away without any deviation.
My Lord, as You said You would answer to anyone who prays to You, as You said you would answer to anyone who cries to you, please realize your perfect will through me, through me who is weak and imperfect.
My Lord, I confess that there is no salvation in any other name whereby I can be saved except You. I now decide to let You lead my life by Your way. Please help me to live a holy life in the power of the indwelling Holy Spirit and to be obedience to Your word all through my life. In Your holy name. Amen.”
“주여, 당신께로 나아갑니다. 돛대도 아니 달고 삿대도 없이 당신에 대한 믿음 하나만을 가지고 당신께로 달려갑니다. 주여, 저의 이 젊음을 받으소서. 저의 이 가슴 한 가운데에서 끓어오르는 뜨거운 정열을 받으소서. 주님, 무척 고달프고 어렵습니다. 정말 너무 고독하고 힘들 때가 많습니다. 하지만 이 길만이 진리의 길, 생명의 길이라 믿고 저는 끝까지 이 길을 가겠습니다. 주여, 저의 이런 마음이 절대 변하지 말게 하소서. 저의 이 결심이 결코 흔들리지 않게 하소서. 언제나 저의 인생의 키를 잡아 주셔서 이 험한 길을 갈 때에 피곤치 않게 하시며 한 치의 흐트러짐도 없이 곧고 바르게 갈 수 있도록 도와 주시옵소서.
주여, 당신이 간구하는 자의 기도는 항상 들으신다고 하셨으니, 당신께 부르짖는 자마다 반드시 응답하신다고 하셨으니 주여, 저를 통해, 이 부족하고 연약한 저를 통해 당신의 완전하신 소명 이루소서!!”
2006. 12.
이준수 드림
Jeff Kim: Hello Jun-Soo JDSN, I am very much blessed by your testimony. I pray and hope to continuously hear from you God's limitless grace and love throughout your life -[01/03-15:48]--[01/03-16:57]-
이준수: 하하... 반갑습니다 Jeff씨. 잘 지내시죠? 새해 더욱 건강하시고 가정과 학업과 사역에 주님의 크신 은혜가 늘 함께 하시길 기도드립니다. -[01/06-03:27]- Lee Jung Jin: Thank you for your wonderful testimony. It is so encouraging and challenging for me. Your prayer at the end of your story is so beautiful. too. May you live daily to glorify Him! -[01/06-22:47]- 김명자: 준수형제,현정자매님............. 모든 발걸음 하나하나를 우리를 붇드시고 인도하시는 살아계신 하나님을 간증을 통해서 보게하신네요. 너무나 좋으신 하나님. 감사합니다. 두분 의 온전하고 헌신된 삶을 통하여 복의 근원 복의 통로가 되시기를 기도합니다. 사랑합니다. 2아기도 건강하고 엄마 아빠도 건강하기를.... 아기 이름은 지어놓았나요? -[01/09-02:23]- Ellen Han: Praise the Lord for his eternal love and grace for you and every lives that has been and will continue to be touched by Jesus through your testimonies. Thank you for proclaiming Jesus through your weaknesses and allowing us to rejoice in Him with you. God bless you, your wife and the expected twins always. -[01/09-14:30]-