Reflection on “Connecting”

I have read a book titled “Connecting” by Larry Crabb, one of the most well-known psychologists and speakers. The central point of the book is connecting is the most crucial element in terms of relating oneself to others. Crabb explained from his own therapeutical and personal experiences that no matter how well a counselor is trained and experienced, if he or she fails to connect to his or her counselee, they fail.

Crabb asserts that an average Christian can also minister to others for their problems by releasing the energy of Christ. What he means by the energy of Christ is that in all of us, there are good urges that God plants in our hearts ready to be released to others if we let God do it. In order to release the energy of Christ, the good urges within us to be released to others so as to heal their hurt and pain, Christians need to be trained and identify four different types of persons that hinder us from releasing the energy of Christ.

The first type is “city building.” The core agenda of a city builder is “I will make my life work through resources I can control.” A city builder wants to control his or her life. He or she always wants to be adequate and does not allow God to control. The second type is “fire lighting.” The core agenda of a fire lighting person is “I will find a plan that I know will work.” A fire lighting person is driven to his being right on things. He looks at life from his own perspective and judges those who see life differently than he does. The third type is “wall whitewashing.” The core agenda of a wall whitewashing person is “I will protect myself against the difficulties of life; that is my priority.” The wall whitewashing person’s attention focuses on safety of life. He does not like to take risks; he does not take a step of faith in uncertain things. The last type is “well digging.” The core agenda of a well-digger is “I want to feel good when I want to and in a way that eliminates all pain if only for a moment.” The well-digger just wants to enjoy his life. His fear is feeling emptiness.

Crabb argues that the best way to deal with difficulties in others’ lives is helping them discover God in the midst of their turmoil through releasing our good urges in the form of actions that reflect the character of Christ to them.
In order to release our good urges, first we must mortify our flesh?the bad urges within us. Crabb says God helps us mortify our flesh by “arranging for us to spend time in the desert, to walk in impenetrable darkness, to encounter unexplained difficulties, and to face the damage our selfishness causes others.”

Finally, Crabb points out that in order for us to release the good urges within us to connect with others in their sufferings and pains, our spirits should be alive with actual life of Christ in us. In order to reflect Christ?i.e., releasing the healing power of Christ?to others, their lives need to be constantly vivified by the Holy Spirit, to be “aroused, nourished, believed in, valued, and invigorated” by the Triune God, the gospel, the New Covenant and the glory given to us by Christ.